Self Care Guilt

What is this thing that happens to me when I do something nice for myself?  This immediate pang of guilt.  Where on earth does this come from?  Why does it happen every time?  Either in a feeling of remorse for doing something nice for myself, or a feeling of guilt because I have spent an […]

Finding Healing (Underneath a Cookie Monster Colored Fuzzy Blue Blanket)

I have to do a genogram for my career counseling class and I included my immediate family, Chris and my grandparents and aunts on both sides.  My teacher docked me off five points for not including my cousins and uncles.  Through therapy with Wendi today I realized that it is too painful to include them.  […]

Metamorphosis

I’ve always loved butterflies.  I love their symmetry.  I love the way they elegantly fly around with little effort, landing on flowers, and how they are so majestic.  I made a deal when my Grandad Smith died to remember him every time I saw a butterfly.  They symbolize new life.  They are new creations.  Driving […]

Prioritizing Connection

Being understood by someone is the best feeling in the world.  Being known feels like being loved.  Times in my life where people really get me make me feel alive.  I feel the worst when I haven’t been understood deeply.  Not being witnessed feels like abandonment and isolation. To feel reasonably happy I need to […]

Boomerang Love

I’m realizing it now more than ever, as I sit here alone drinking my green tea with my dog at my side, we are all feeling lonely.  We need each other.  We are caught up in the humdrum of life and are neglecting the more important pieces- relationships, conversations, lingering.  We need to be more […]

Step Eleven: Meditation

Meditation is something that I have been doing for many years.  In 2006 I was severely depressed.  My thoughts were running a muck.  “I’m ugly, I should die, no one likes me, I have no friends”  these were thoughts that were on repeat in my mind.  I really started believing the second thought.  Suicide felt […]

Letting Go of Old Ideas

I was at an AA meeting yesterday and the topic was “Letting Go of Old Ideas”.  I had a lot to say about this.  The first thing that came to my mind was Fear of Authority.  Every time someone tells me, “Hey, can I talk to you for a second,” and they bring me into […]

On Staying Sober

 Some people think that if an alcoholic goes to a meeting or goes to rehab or gets a sponsor then they will automatically, like magic, get sober.  That is nothing further from the truth.  In order to get sober, alcoholics need to do much more.  Going to meetings and getting a sponsor are mere jumping […]